Choosing Words

I am sitting down to the computer with a measure of intrepidation tonight. I don't have writer's block at the moment; though indecision over a choice of words has been known to hold me back from finishing some pieces of writing. I am feeling like a tube of toothpaste lately. My mouth opens; and the squishy stuff just oozes. I don't always see the color of the ooze until the words are on the page. Thus, I end up feeling a bit naked. That happens to creative types; we create out of our perception, out of inspiration; and a problem arises when we don't know our own hearts. The problem is: the human heart is deceitful. It's contents are often beyond our best mental gymnastics. Perhaps I speak only for myself; bear with me in that event and just nod when you agree:).

The fire to create that burns within me needs balance; if only to keep me on this side of a locked door. That balance comes as I evalutate the worth of a piece of writing in light of human experience and my understanding of Biblical truth. I am far from perfected in this quest; and will be imperfect until I reach glory(and by that time, language as we know it will probably undergo a few changes at least).

There are those rooms in each of our souls that we keep under lock and key. The shadows and the whispers they contain hold the power to free us or maim us; depending on when and if we unlock the door. That fear of being a "black hole of ministry" can certainly keep my locks safe and ward off the use of a key. I am propelled towards hiding in the shadows to make the futile attempt to put the rooms in order without assistance from the outside world. Ideally, the Lord himself will be in charge of the inventory and protect me from others and myself. Reality lauches a series of leaks grown out of loneliness, misguided defense mechanisms, and just the exposure of daily living. We are what we think; and those gems or impurities rise to the surface. Our skeletons rattle in the closet until we let them out in an attempt to find peace.

That peace only comes from leaning on Jesus and the blessed fellowship of the saints. We cannot hold every piece within our rooms on our own and expect to make a picture out of them. We need the Lord's hand, the interaction of our brothers and sisters; and the courage to step out in faith into each new day. There is a price tag to everything; and the cost can leave us depleted or enriched. The full picture cannot be seen apart from a combination of all of these factors.

Thankfully, I can run to my strong tower of safety and find rest. I can check my perceptions against the reality of what God says about me. Truth will set me free; as it has for so many that have come before me. Whatever He uses to bring fresh levels of wholeness to my being is His business.

Ultimately, I pray to be more of a blessing than a burden. My temptation to just hide until I can fix the marred puzzle pieces is strong; tying me with cords of shame. I can apologize for breathing if you catch me on the right day; and I will mean it from the depths of my being. My only hope is in touching the hem of His garment; for there is where the scales on my eyes fall off and the rejoicing begins.
He is able to do what I cannot do; and His sacrifice of love enables me to keep reaching for grace.


Have a cup o'joy
and a fresh taste of the bread of heaven...

Lynne

I've had the following verses brewing in me as I wrote this:
John 3:16
Psalm 144
James 4
...and many more I will discuss at a later date:).

More joy,
Lynne