The Crown of Age

Recently, I have gone through the experience of having another birthday. I won't go into detail with regards to how many candles might have been placed on my cake; but I will say that I insist on only one to save the fire department grief in the process. Philosophy has decided to roost in my spirit as a result of spending a few too many minutes pondering the past year. In order to break the gaze I had going on my navel; I reminded myself of what I think is most important.

Gray hair happens. Life happens. Friends move on and leave us lonely for a while in the wake of their departure. New challenges present themselves that look a whole lot like the mountain that just began to fade behind me. I am not quite sure that I have caught my breath yet. I am older, but am I wiser for the year added to my life? I can imagine that someone out there is thinking that I need to get over myself and just move on.

In a way, I agree. I do not live under oppressive government controls; I am not in prison or breathing my last few breaths in a hospital. I have children and they are healthy. The Lord takes care of me in ways that I'm sure I cannot fathom. In short, you may wonder what I am complaining about. That is a valid question.

My guess is that I am longing to be who I was created to be; and seeing all too well that my warts and ingrown energies are, of course, failing to protect me from life's bumps and bruises. What do I think I can accomplish by being angry that I cannot reach that perfect place where all of my challenges are resolved? I feel like a brat; demanding of heaven what my shortsighted vision sees as imperative to my happiness.

I pray that His joy once again overtakes my arid spirit and renews my vision and will to follow after that more excellent way that Christ spoke of in the gospels. I want to dance like David danced. I long to discern and go after that still small voice that beckons me to the paths of life.

My hunger draws me onward; towards re-evalutation, towards a necessary repentance of what I know better than to do, and a renewed sense of direction on a daily basis. My consolation lies in the assurance that He is faithful; and that He is waiting to guide me back to where He would have me be.

I will close with one of my grandmother's favorite scripture verses.In Psalm 19:14 "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer." I pray that my heart and my mouth will be transformed by the time that the candles are blown out on my birthday cake next year.


Cup o' joy
and a fresh taste of the bread of heaven...

Lynne