In Shades of Green and Blue

I have been formally bagged by the Green Giant today. I hear of what I see friends and aquaintances are up to, and I feel pressured to catch up. I beat myself up until I am blue in my spirit over what I perceive as lost opportunities and failed attempts to do...something....
I think of what Scriptures say regarding coveting...and the part that says not to do it. I pray that my green fades from the intense kelly green to a more muted moss hue as soon as is humanly(or divinely)possible. I pray that my envy is replaced by a renewed fire to find the path the Lord would have me follow. He has plans for a future and a hope for me. I suppose that I can take it on faith that I have not fallen into disrepair irreparably...
I recall feeling like this as a teenager. I am 40 now. Haven't I outgrown the pubescent yearnings to be someone else? It is more than a rhetorical question. I have to answer it or fail the test again. What is it that they say roses grow in the best? I don't think I heard any mention of rosewater in the expression that I am thinking of. Does that mean my life has to stink before the beauty grows out of it? I think I do reek sometimes, and it isn't of rosewater.
Almighty God is not at fault here. My lenses are corroded and dirty; failing to see what I have been shown. In fact, it is time now to get over myself and do laundry. I am not the only one that reeks; my sink requires a dose of excavation and disinfecting that I have been given the responsibility to take care of on behalf of the family. My blessings overflow...as does my sink.
I am thinking that green is also the color of new growth, spring, and symblolic of new beginnings. Each day is fresh with no mistakes in it...at least for the first ten seconds that we are awake. After that, it is a process of repentance and learning for the rest of the day.
After I do my painting, it is God's idea to shower me with grace; painting that glorious shade of purest white all over me as His love slips in to do a remodeling job on my soul. My spirit is renewed; and I hear Him tell me that His love endures forever.
Lord, quicken my hearing to listen as You try to speak over the noise of my grousing. It was your idea to make me as I am. You have your reasons. Help me not to question the ways in which you put the pieces together. You have the final picture from which to work from; not me.